In Tim Keller's book Ministries of Mercy he writes,"Let mercy limit mercy...Sometimes we may have to say: 'Friend we are not withdrawing our mercy, just changing its form. We will continue to pray for you and visit you, and the minute you are willing to cooperate with us and make the changes that we believe are needed, we will resume our aid. Please realize that it is only out of love that we are doing this!' Let mercy limit mercy"
Recently I spoke with a woman whose son has had a severe struggle with substance abuse. In our short conversation it was evident that in relationship to her son she had let mercy limit mercy.
The exercise of such love or mercy is extremely difficult. In those moments we are often tempted to believe that we have made a condition for those who we are to love unconditionally. But we must remember that when mercy limits mercy there is no refusal to love nor conditions to our love but only wise extensions of that love.
We must remember that unconditional love is not the same as tending to one's every want. Unconditional love is doing everything that is necessary for the good of an individual. This often means that we withhold our resources and even involvement at the expense of their wants. In other words, we seek to love with discernment. Wise love knows when to provide and when to withhold for the good of another.
Wise extensions of love are often offensive to those who receive it. They react in such a way that can cause us to question the wisdom of our love for them. This can become emotionally draining. So what can harness my heart in these moments of limiting mercy with mercy?
Remembering God's love for me. The nature of God's love was such that it offended my pride for my greatest good. As an unbeliever, I looked for God to cater to my 'wants' and my 'wants' were wired to serve me. In essence I was the god of my life and he was to bow to me. However, God demonstrated his love in such a way that exposed my sin and provided the resource (i.e. the person and work of Christ) to rescue me from myself.
For us to extend wise love to others requires an understanding of God's wise love. God's love didn't serve or enable our selfish wants. It sought our best. So let the wise extension of our love to others be governed by God's wise extension of love to us.