I have had the opportunity to take a marriage counseling course with Winston Smith this semester. Here is quick video that entails some of what we have been learning.
1 Corinthian 4:3 "I don't even judge myself"
D.A. Carson explains "I don't even judge myself" from 1 Corinthians 4:3. He writes, "Christian leaders must prove faithful to the One who has assigned them their fundamental task (4:1-4)...Those who are servants of Christ, those who are entrusted with the secret things of God, do not see themselves winning popularity contests - not even within the church's borders. That is what Paul means when he says, 'I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court' (4:3). There is only one Person whose 'Well, done!" on the last day means anything. In comparison, the approval or diapproval of the church means nothing.
It is not even your own estimate of your service that is important. Feeling good about your ministry may have some limited utility somewhere, but surely it has no ultimate significance. You may think more highly of your service than God does; you may think less of your service than God does. But if you are constantly trying to please yourself, to make self-esteem your ultimate goal then you are forgetting whose servant your are, whom you must strive to please... What he (Paul) means is that his own judging of himself cannot possible have ultimate significance."
It is not even your own estimate of your service that is important. Feeling good about your ministry may have some limited utility somewhere, but surely it has no ultimate significance. You may think more highly of your service than God does; you may think less of your service than God does. But if you are constantly trying to please yourself, to make self-esteem your ultimate goal then you are forgetting whose servant your are, whom you must strive to please... What he (Paul) means is that his own judging of himself cannot possible have ultimate significance."
Let Mercy Limit Mercy
In Tim Keller's book Ministries of Mercy he writes,"Let mercy limit mercy...Sometimes we may have to say: 'Friend we are not withdrawing our mercy, just changing its form. We will continue to pray for you and visit you, and the minute you are willing to cooperate with us and make the changes that we believe are needed, we will resume our aid. Please realize that it is only out of love that we are doing this!' Let mercy limit mercy"
Recently I spoke with a woman whose son has had a severe struggle with substance abuse. In our short conversation it was evident that in relationship to her son she had let mercy limit mercy.
The exercise of such love or mercy is extremely difficult. In those moments we are often tempted to believe that we have made a condition for those who we are to love unconditionally. But we must remember that when mercy limits mercy there is no refusal to love nor conditions to our love but only wise extensions of that love.
We must remember that unconditional love is not the same as tending to one's every want. Unconditional love is doing everything that is necessary for the good of an individual. This often means that we withhold our resources and even involvement at the expense of their wants. In other words, we seek to love with discernment. Wise love knows when to provide and when to withhold for the good of another.
Wise extensions of love are often offensive to those who receive it. They react in such a way that can cause us to question the wisdom of our love for them. This can become emotionally draining. So what can harness my heart in these moments of limiting mercy with mercy?
Remembering God's love for me. The nature of God's love was such that it offended my pride for my greatest good. As an unbeliever, I looked for God to cater to my 'wants' and my 'wants' were wired to serve me. In essence I was the god of my life and he was to bow to me. However, God demonstrated his love in such a way that exposed my sin and provided the resource (i.e. the person and work of Christ) to rescue me from myself.
For us to extend wise love to others requires an understanding of God's wise love. God's love didn't serve or enable our selfish wants. It sought our best. So let the wise extension of our love to others be governed by God's wise extension of love to us.
Recently I spoke with a woman whose son has had a severe struggle with substance abuse. In our short conversation it was evident that in relationship to her son she had let mercy limit mercy.
The exercise of such love or mercy is extremely difficult. In those moments we are often tempted to believe that we have made a condition for those who we are to love unconditionally. But we must remember that when mercy limits mercy there is no refusal to love nor conditions to our love but only wise extensions of that love.
We must remember that unconditional love is not the same as tending to one's every want. Unconditional love is doing everything that is necessary for the good of an individual. This often means that we withhold our resources and even involvement at the expense of their wants. In other words, we seek to love with discernment. Wise love knows when to provide and when to withhold for the good of another.
Wise extensions of love are often offensive to those who receive it. They react in such a way that can cause us to question the wisdom of our love for them. This can become emotionally draining. So what can harness my heart in these moments of limiting mercy with mercy?
Remembering God's love for me. The nature of God's love was such that it offended my pride for my greatest good. As an unbeliever, I looked for God to cater to my 'wants' and my 'wants' were wired to serve me. In essence I was the god of my life and he was to bow to me. However, God demonstrated his love in such a way that exposed my sin and provided the resource (i.e. the person and work of Christ) to rescue me from myself.
For us to extend wise love to others requires an understanding of God's wise love. God's love didn't serve or enable our selfish wants. It sought our best. So let the wise extension of our love to others be governed by God's wise extension of love to us.
Our Failures and God's Unfailing Love
In a recent blog post John Piper was quoted as saying, "When I am anxious that I may make shipwreck of faith and fall away from God, I battle unbelief with the promise, “He who began a good work in you will complete it unto the day of Christ” (Philippians 1:6). “He who calls you is faithful. He will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23). “He is able for all time to save those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them” (Hebrews 7:25)."
So what does it mean to 'fall away'? I assume that what Piper means by 'falling away' is to actively resist growth in the grace of sanctification through sins of omission or sins of commission. It certainly cannot be forensic in nature for that is not dependent upon our works but upon the sovereign declaration of God in Christ.
Therefore even if we would fall away from God and make a shipwreck of faith (God forbid), these verses still remain true! For a "falling away from God" does not hinder one's position in Christ. God's intentions to save whether in justification, sanctification or glorification are not thwarted. He does not change in relation to our sinful blights. He remains the same. There remains mountains of mercy through the covenantal love of God purchased up by Christ.
For those who have made a shipwreck of faith God's love remains! They have not outrun his love, for nothing is able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, not even our failures.
So what does it mean to 'fall away'? I assume that what Piper means by 'falling away' is to actively resist growth in the grace of sanctification through sins of omission or sins of commission. It certainly cannot be forensic in nature for that is not dependent upon our works but upon the sovereign declaration of God in Christ.
Therefore even if we would fall away from God and make a shipwreck of faith (God forbid), these verses still remain true! For a "falling away from God" does not hinder one's position in Christ. God's intentions to save whether in justification, sanctification or glorification are not thwarted. He does not change in relation to our sinful blights. He remains the same. There remains mountains of mercy through the covenantal love of God purchased up by Christ.
For those who have made a shipwreck of faith God's love remains! They have not outrun his love, for nothing is able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, not even our failures.
Shepherding
In Darrin Patrick's book Church Planter: The Man, The Mission, The Message he sites Richard Baxter describing the shepherding ministry and in so doing describes the character of all disciples who are making disciples. Baxter says, "The whole of our ministry must be carried on in tender love to our people. We must let them see that nothing pleaseth us but what profiteth them; and that what doeth them good doeth us good; and that nothing troubleth us more than their hurt. We must feel toward our people, as a father toward his children; yea the tenderest love of a mother must not surpass. We must even travail in birth, till Christ be formed in them. They should see that we care for no outward thing, neither wealth, nor liberty, nor honour, nor life, in comparison of their salvation; but would even be content, with Moses, to have our names blotted out of the book of the living: rather than they should not be found in the Lamb's book of life."
This is not just hard, it is impossible! There is nothing apart from God's grace in Christ that could reorient our hearts from being thoroughtly captivated with self-interest to living outside of oneself for the good of other and for the glory God in Christ. Disciples who make disciples are in desperate need of God's reorienting grace.
"Do not fear weakness, illness, or a sense of being overwhelmed. The truth of the matter is that such experiences are often the occasions when God most greatly displays his power. As long as people are impressed by your powerful personality and impressives gifts, there is very little room for you to impress them with a crucified Savior."
- D.A. Carson from The Cross and Christian Ministry
A Great Man and a Simple Dwelling
I received a wonderful phone call last night. My grandmother called to wish us a happy anniversary. As she questioned how we were doing I began to hear some trouble in her voice and understandably so. My grandmother is a widow who is considering moving out of the house that our grandfather built with his own labor and sweat. They had lived there most of their 60-plus years of marriage. So many good things are wrapped up in the context of this home. God has flooded our family with blessings and so many of these blessings are attached to the setting of this home.
As I spoke with my grandmother I could feel her emotional strain in potentially being done with this house in which our family carries so many memories. I also began feeling the despair of saying 'goodbye' to God's good gifts of memories that are attached to a great man and his simple home.
But suddenly light was shed on the subject when God reminded us that these good gifts are a kind picture of the ultimate good Man and the dwelling that he has secured for us with his own labor, the shedding of his blood. It is not easy to let go of God's good gifts unless we trust that every good here is a foreshadow of the greater good that we will find when are face to face with him. Our dwelling with him will never pass. And there, constant attention will be given to thee great Man. For he has purchased up a family and secured a dwelling wherein our attention will be brought again and again, without a tinge monotony, to glories of our worthy Savior. With him there will be an eternity of glorious memories.
So what should we do until then? Anne Steele (1716-1778), in Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul provides some insight.
1. Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel
2. But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust
3. Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner’s prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there
4. Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet
As I spoke with my grandmother I could feel her emotional strain in potentially being done with this house in which our family carries so many memories. I also began feeling the despair of saying 'goodbye' to God's good gifts of memories that are attached to a great man and his simple home.
But suddenly light was shed on the subject when God reminded us that these good gifts are a kind picture of the ultimate good Man and the dwelling that he has secured for us with his own labor, the shedding of his blood. It is not easy to let go of God's good gifts unless we trust that every good here is a foreshadow of the greater good that we will find when are face to face with him. Our dwelling with him will never pass. And there, constant attention will be given to thee great Man. For he has purchased up a family and secured a dwelling wherein our attention will be brought again and again, without a tinge monotony, to glories of our worthy Savior. With him there will be an eternity of glorious memories.
So what should we do until then? Anne Steele (1716-1778), in Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul provides some insight.
1. Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel
2. But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust
3. Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner’s prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there
4. Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)