The Scriptural qualifications of an overseer do not come overnight; rather they require practice and experience. The home is a wonderful way to hone the skills of leadership and care. Hence if a man is going to be a good leader within the family of God he must first demonstrate leadership qualities with his own family. He must keep his home managed and nurtured.The overseer must develop a balance between managing or supervising his home as well as caring for his home. If he simply manages his home, he becomes an authoritative figure who organizes well but inevitably exemplifies a disinterest in fulfilling the heart-felt needs of his family. A man who errs on the management side will come across very cold and unloving.
However, if the man becomes all about nurturing the hearts of his family without management, he becomes the feel-good-raise-your-self-esteem guy. He will typically become friends with his children rather than their dad. Instead of being a friend, he should be the leader, protector, counselor, guide, and comforter.
Discuss: On a spectrum beginning with management to care, where would my personality fall? What could I do to be more balanced?
In verse 2 of chapter 3, Paul mentions that an overseer must demonstrate fidelity to his wife. Now in verse 5, Paul has concern for the children and their relationship to their father. The father must be dignified and respectable in how he embraces his role but also the children should be respectful to their father. Therefore these relationships should flourish with mutual respect.
This does not mean that an overseer must have a perfect home. He will be imperfect and his children will be imperfect yet he must strive to be dignified and respectable through the difficult circumstances of life and his children should seek to demonstrate respect despite the difficult circumstances of life.
The family is the microcosm of the church family. If an overseer demonstrates balanced leadership in supervising and nurturing his family well, by God’s grace he will also have the wisdom to do so in the church family.
Answer the following questions:
1. Are you attentive to your home? Are you involved in the life of your family physically and emotionally?
2. Do you care for your children and how?
3. Do your children submit to you?
4. Would your children say that you are qualified to serve as an elder?
5. If you are single, what is your attitude toward children rearing?
Read: Deuteronomy 6 and Proverbs 1-9 and note the father’s responsibilities, and methods of communicating life situations to his children.