(Just notice Chandler's introspection about his sanctification; we all need to be wrestling through sanctification with this kind of introspective intensity)Nov05Philippians 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Hebrews 10:23: “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”
I could be wrong about what I’m about to post. I have given it some thought and decided I would write about it despite the fact that I usually do my wrestling internally and with good friends rather than post my young thoughts on the Web. So grace would be appreciated. Before I get started let me give you a little background:
It’s been 16 years since God, in His predestined, powerful plan, allowed my soul to experience “the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” He grabbed hold of every part of me and has absolutely ruined me for anything but Him. The process of sanctification has been and still is quite often a very difficult one. No one told me (or maybe they did) that Jesus wanted my heart. I thought there was going to be some behavior modification and some new friends but I didn’t understand how aggressively, ruthlessly and passionately He was going to search and destroy in me anything that wasn’t of Him. Nor did I understand how dark my heart truly was and how out of fear, pride and arrogance I would argue, complain and resist almost every advance of the Holy Spirit to reconcile every part of my being into holiness.
Let me give you some family background. Most of my dad’s life has been difficult. He was abused and neglected, abandoned and ignored by the people who should have loved and seen in him the beauty that’s so easy to see. He raised me the best he could for where he was. He loves me, and I love him. I know this deeply. But what his dad struggled with, he struggled with and although I feel like by God’s grace alone I walk in an unbelievable amount of victory over the things that have destroyed Chandler men for the last 100 years, I do at times feel those things warring in me which brings me to my thought.
Audrey and Reid, my two children, have been such gifts to Lauren and me. That little girl and little boy grabbed a hold of my heart the second they took in the gift of breath. I don’t know where you are in life or if you have children or not but I find the fact that my sin directly effects my children to be mortifying. I ask our great God and King almost nightly that He would protect my children from my sin, that they would never see in me hypocrisy or feel provoked to anger. I ask Him to help me with patience, gentleness and to hide from them my pride and idolatry while giving me the grace to acknowledge often that “God is still working on Daddy.” I want the specific struggles that have haunted my bloodline to go into the ground with me. I want to fight, wail and pray. I want to “hold fast the confession of my hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” I know that Audrey, Reid and the child growing in Lauren’s womb will have their own fights. The world is fallen, depravity is real but these specific struggles…I want, I hope, I pray that I might, like Moses, die on the mountain as they walk into the promise land. I hope this post makes sense.